Does Having a Penis Make You a Real Man — Or Do You Embody One?

Fair warning — I am sure this article will be controversial but I have never been one to shy away from controversy as that usually denotes the dire need for dialogue.

Having a penis doesn't make you a man.

Clearly I am very much not a man as I don't possess a penis.

Not that a body actually signifies what a man is, and that is very much the point of what I am talking about today.

Times and relationships have changed over the many centuries, but we, as humans, have failed to adapt.

We have been hanging on to old paradigms of relationship gender roles way past their expiration date.

We could blame this on many things — bastardized patriarchal society nuances that no longer serve, the imbalanced need for power and control that diminishes equity — I could continue, but I won't.

The reality is, you are responsible for you.

Own your choices, actions, and behaviors.

Period.

Long gone are the days of women being "barefoot and pregnant" in the home as the reality.

I know that may make you laugh or react thinking that is from the days of old...but is it really?

Aren't we still playing that narrative out in various forms?

In the U.S. society at least, there is still largely an undercurrent that society nods to men's role being both breadwinner and protector of their homes and family — and that makes them a real man.

U.S. society, and those males living within it, celebrate each other for status, titles, wealth, and numerous other accoutrements that have nothing to do with the foundations that an actual real man stands upon.

Those measurements of manhood are performative metrics based on ego and external validation.

Morally bankrupt, masked performative methodologies that have everything to do with power and control, and very little to do with the truth of a man.

Now don't get me wrong here, I have the honor of knowing some incredible real men.

I have tremendous personal experiences that support the knowing that real men aren't a myth — it just seems that more and more they are the exception to the rule rather than the societal norm.

And if you are one of those men still stuck in bastardized norm standards and this is triggering you....then good...it's probably holding up a mirror that somewhere deeply embedded inside of your soul is screaming for evolution.

And women have been complicit and culpable for these fragmented gender roles too but that is an article for another day.

Men — True manly leadership isn't just about physical and economic security anymore (if it ever truly even was).

Women fought for their ability to work and bring in their own economic stability in the early 20th century.

That is no longer a factor to hang your hat on that you bring to an equal partnership.

And yes...healthy relationships are reciprocal with give and take in equal measures.

An integrated woman brings equal independent economic stability to the partnership.

And while your body may be biologically equipped to be physically stronger for protection, might I remind you that every single one of you was birthed through your mother's body.

If you don't quite grasp the gravity of that strength, might I recommend a quick experience with a birthing simulator to expedite that enlightenment.

So now that we have stripped away the diluted performative methodologies of measuring that are severely outdated, what does that leave?

You.

Magnificent, glorious you.

Not what you bring to the table but rather, who you are.

It's high time for you to be seen, heard, and experienced in your fullest glory.

The raw, real truth of being a real man is leadership — but it comes from inside.

Being a true leader brings integrity, morals, values, honor, respect, and unconditional love.

You bring physical AND emotional safety to the offering.

You bring equal partnership, support, advocacy, motivation, love, and action.

And if you aren't disciplined about building and loving your own body, mind, heart, and soul then why would a healthy partner want to build with you on that faulty foundation?

If you are leading with your penis, ego, or insatiable need to control, all that signals is weakness of the mind, spirit, and body impulses.

It signifies deeply embedded insecurities and internal voids in the core of self — always needing a short-term proverbial hit of soothing with external validation.

If you cannot even lead yourself with honor, discipline, love, and wisdom, then what secure foundation can you possibly offer to a relationship partner?

Birth rates are down.

Healthy monogamous relationship statistics are in shambles.

And women are fed up (women — we are culpable too).

There are endless examples of oppression, suppression, and inferred "lesser sex" mentality.

If that rubs you the wrong way...how many times have you observed or even been complicit in diluting total equality?

In the home?

Workplace?

Community?

Society?

When important strategic decisions are made?

When the opportunity to raise your voice or take action is needed?

In what world do real men allow apathy for systemic oppression or patterns of abuse?

And yes...I used the strong language of abuse.

You don't have to lay your hands on someone to be an abuser.

You can turn a blind eye or even joke about third parties (emotional abuse).

You can take the easy way out by not standing up for a peer or direct report when it comes to equal recognition, compensation, promotion, or even respect for the same quality work.

You are apathetic about demanding ownership or justice when systems protect injustices committed against women to protect your own societal, economic, or personal standing.

I could continue.

Real men lead with integrity.

Real men are loyal.

Real men live their morals and values in intent and action.

Real men share their emotions and vulnerabilities to enable their partner to equally stand and support them.

Real men don't tolerate anything but truth and justice every day and in all ways.

Real men are strong in character, mind, and action-taking.

Real men take ownership, accountability, responsibility, and serve with honor.

Real men are gentle, kind, generous, and respectful to themselves and others.

Real men don't hoard power and control as they are seated in the understanding that the sum of the whole is greater than the parts — everyone operating at their best brings abundance in all forms.

Real men demand equity and equality.

Real men lead with their full heart, unconditional love, and by exemplifying what true leadership is with every thought, behavior, and action.

So step up and be a man.

Because there has never been a time where women...and the world...needed you real men more.