Conflict Serving As The Zeitgeist: A Bridge for Deeper Human Connection
The world seems to be polarized and divisive from all angles—and what we listen to or consume just doubles down on that mentality. And, as I frequently do, it had me reflecting on conflict.
So often, conflict has a negative connotation—both in how it’s talked about and frankly, how it’s acted upon. What if I told you that I would strongly argue that conflict—healthy conflict—is actually a bridge for deeper human connection? A bridge to bring more abundant peace?
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict—alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence.” — Dorothy Thompson
ChatGPT defines healthy conflict as:
“Open, respectful disagreement that promotes growth, strengthens relationships, and leads to better understanding or solutions—without personal attacks or avoidance.”
Easy on the surface, right? But what does that really mean?
Healthy conflict, to me, means deciding to go into an experience, conversation, or negotiation assuming a win-win resolution and being dedicated to that goal. Period. You are setting the intention to go in with an open heart and an open mind—seeking to understand, not to counterpoint. It means holding space to learn with curiosity, empathy, and vulnerability. It means engaging with kind (not nice—see my other article for more) honesty and actively listening sans any ego or emotion. It’s not about being right or trying to “win.”
It’s about being seated in the foundational understanding that we all share the commonalities of being human. We share the basic needs of all humanity—your hierarchy of Maslow’s basic needs is a starting place for that commonality.
Going into conflict, it’s important to also give yourself the grace to be patient with yourself, and the discipline of logically self-correcting as it unfolds. Inevitably, any conflict will trigger emotions—and when that trigger happens, quickly reframe it as a gift in your mind. What I mean by that is: instead of reacting to the person creating that trigger with their words or actions, proverbially back up from that triggered response and observe the statement as if it were a mirror reflecting something about you. Ask yourself, “What did that statement just mirror about what I actually, subconsciously think?”
Because if it didn’t hurt you based on something deeply subconscious, it wouldn’t have made you emotional.
Ask yourself, “What am I making it mean, and why?”
Besides solving the conflict, by having the conversation you’re also receiving the gift of being able to heal something in you—something that helps make you better, faster, and stronger.
The second thing to honor in this process is the understanding that “argument from consensus” is a well-known logical fallacy—a lot of people believing something doesn’t automatically make it true.
Have patience with yourself in understanding that your emotions and your mind have created layers of proverbial mud—mud formed from cultural nuances, societal fabrics, and family dynamics that have been deeply embedded into the wiring of your beliefs and biases. Those biases are the foundation through which you “filter” data—without realizing the subconscious corruption and fragmentation of that data.
Your beliefs and biases are actually well-formed delusions—shaped by ego and cognitive dissonance from past experiences. As the old adage goes:
“What you believe shapes what you see.”
When you make the conscious decision to strip those away and go into the conflict with a blank sheet of paper, you’re able to expose your raw authenticity and listen to your intuition with an open heart and mind. That is where the truth in solving the conflict lies.
I believe that every person, regardless of where they are in the world, has the capacity to tap into enhanced psychic wisdom-like intuition on overdrive. But you have to be willing to strip away the ego and the mud to access it. But—that’s another article for another day. I digress.
When you are actively engaging in conflict, and have already made the choice that you will ensure a win-win resolution, you will find that within the experience lies the buried rooted treasure of evolution—not only for yourself but for everyone involved.
Unique human perspectives and experiences are what make the globe a colorful, vivid tapestry of learning and wonder. It’s what unites us, rather than divides us.
How someone else chooses to live their life—who they love, how they think, their philosophies, etc.—is exactly that: their choice. It doesn’t threaten you or yours unless you decide to make it about you. You cannot control anything but yourself.
Perhaps this conflict is in your life to teach you something, or to help you evolve through hearing another perspective or narrative. Do you want to miss that opportunity for yourself—say no to the gift?
Try This Exercise:
When you find yourself at an impasse or on opposite sides of an issue, try a fun yet powerful exercise I used to do with my team.
Label the two perspectives as Side A and Side B.
For five minutes, have Person 1 passionately argue and defend Side A, while Person 2 does the same for Side B.
Then, after five minutes, switch roles—Person 1 now argues for Side B, and Person 2 takes on Side A.
If both people commit fully to defending both sides with equal energy and openness, something remarkable happens: by the end of 10 minutes, a pathway toward consensus often begins to emerge. You may need to refine it a bit, but chances are, you’ll have uncovered the treasure at the root—and possibly the first glimpse of a shared solution.
One Final Analogy:
As you know, if you’ve read anything I write, I’m fond of analogies—I find visuals help explain topics with interwoven dynamics.
In this case, when I’m coaching clients about conflict, I like to use a tree as the analogy.
So often, when people engage in unhealthy conflict, they’re addressing and reacting to the leaves and branches of the tree—that’s where they focus their attention, their energy, their words.
But those are just the surface issues- easy to share without being vulnerable.
If you can instead focus on the root of the tree—what people actually want and need for a win-win outcome—what actually drives them- that’s where the treasure lies.
Just remember: we are humans having a human experience. Wouldn’t the world be more abundant and peaceful with unity—rather than separation?