We’re Numb to the Proverbial Elephants in the Room—It’s Time to Stand Up

Healing is a topic that I often reflect on—both because of my always evolving journey and because it is something that I consistently focus on with my client base in one form or another. So much of the daily focus in my life, and in the lives of many others, tends to center on careers, relationships, wealth, and the other drivers that comprise the fabric of our daily lives. When we are so focused on “the daily grind,” it becomes hard to stop and reflect on the collective healing that is needed, as well as the role that we play in it.

There are so many subconscious boulders that we carry that create manifestations and ripple effects in how we live our lives—boulders framed by familial, cultural, and societal dynamics, both inferred and visible. I wanted to take the time to zoom out and reflect on some broader issues occurring in today’s society. And please keep in mind, as I always say, I am not a mental health, legal, or financial expert, and these reflections should not be treated as expertise. They are merely my opinions, shared in the hopes that they ignite you to do your own research and form your own conclusions—and, as a result, take ownership of the role you play in collective healing.

As I tackle these topics, I like to frame them with a nod to the old adage “the elephant in the room”—the issues our society is largely ignoring from an individual ownership perspective. And whether you choose to ignore them or not, they are affecting your daily life. These proverbial elephants are gaping wounds in society that need to be healed. They’ve been passed down from generation to generation, with society tackling the symptoms reactively—but I would strongly argue that it is time to proactively pull them out at their root.

Violence, unhealthy sexual deviance, dominating power dynamics, control, and even gossip all commence from a place of unhealed wounds. I ask you to read that sentence again, because it is very easy for each of us to say that we don’t indulge in any of those behaviors and that they are foreign to our daily lives. But I challenge you to look in the mirror, get radically honest with yourself, and read that again with some of the following reflection prompts in mind:

• Do you ever judge people for how they think, what they wear, what they say, or what they believe? Isn’t that you trying to justify in your mind that this somehow makes you better? Or more powerful? Or right? (power dynamics/control)

• Do you have thoughts about how your spouse or family member should behave in order for you to give them money because you earn more? Do you lie about what you spend? Does your giving come with inferred or explicit strings attached? (power dynamics/control)

• Do you lie to your partner about having lunch with the attractive coworker because it gives you a proverbial high? Do you cheat? Is there any expression of your sexuality that you hide or aren’t proud of? (sexual deviance)

• Do you engage in behaviors that hurt others physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? Is there anything you do—or have done—that you wouldn’t want done to you or those you love? (violence)

• Do you bring unconditional love and respect for humanity into every action you take? (ALL)

Those who inflict control or unequal power dynamics are just as accountable as those who enact bodily violence on others. Yes, we can argue that the impact on the victim of bodily violence is far greater—but that does not diminish the impact of the 10,000 paper cuts that all the other unhealed acts create. If you are brave enough to really dissect your own behavior and daily actions, my guess is that you will uncover numerous examples of unconsciously committing these acts. And because society is so greatly unhealed as a whole—and these behaviors are so normalized—you may have become numb to the fact that you are creating wounds through your ignorance and blindness to your own behavior. You are accountable for you, your choices, and your actions—whether mal-intended or not. When you know, you can choose to do better.

Every single one of these “elephants” is caused by unhealed wounds and trauma—by ego, fear, the feeling of lack—and they are all created from a place of weakness. Physical violence is often committed by someone who was violated physically at some point in their life. Bullies attempt to subconsciously take back their power because they once felt powerless, and by bullying someone else, they feel—temporarily—that they have reclaimed it. But the unhealed void remains. Cheating on a spouse or sneaking around may soothe the ego with the hit of validation for a short time, but it doesn’t repair the deeper wound of unworthiness or lack of self-love.

And for every single act committed from these proverbial elephants, others are wounded in the process. Then they, consciously or subconsciously, commit their own unhealed acts on others. You can see how easily the domino effect takes place and how quickly society loses itself—and its humanity.

So I ask you again: What role will you play in the collective healing of humanity? In your daily actions, your relationships, your organization, your community, the political landscape, the laws you support—every structure you are part of globally.

Stand up. It’s time to take ownership. Because humanity needs you.

Shoutout to ChatGPT for the edits for my content that helped this message take shape.